Finding your Style over 40.

Fashion and beauty have been a defining part of who I am since I was a little girl.  My grandmother, who was a seamstress, would take me to the fabric store with her when I was a little girl, and I have such vivid memories of spending hours just pouring over these huge rolls of fabric that she would buy and turn into dresses she saw but couldn’t afford.  She would make dresses for me - even my skating costumes (fun fact: I was an excellent figure skater till I was about 14).  She was the one that I would spend all my afternoons after school with, so the whir of the sewing machine, her pinning things to a mannequin are all a part of my many memories of her.  And also the fact that she never left the house without her hair done and red lipstick.  I remember her perfume (Charlie), and how she used to powder her nose with a little black Revlon compact and powder puff.  Do I think that my love for clothes stems from that or was it simply in my genes? Probably a little of both.  But my style has evolved so much over time, and I think I can confidently say that it is now, at 45 years of age, that I have come into what I feel is a style that truly reflects who I am and how I feel.  It has taken nearly 4 decades to get here, but it’s definitely been a fun journey figuring it out, and it probably did start in my grandmothers little apartment in Montreal.  One of the questions I get asked so often is how to put outfits together, how to “style” things, and to be honest, it is such a personal thing.  I can see something on a friend and love it - even copy it and buy it, but how I will ultimately wear it may be different and that is the magic of figuring out your style.  

Our bodies. 

First and foremost, we gotta accept our figures.  In my younger years I never worried about my weight - I never exercised, I ate what I wanted to and I was always a comfortable size 4/6.  Could I have been skinnier? Sure.  Could I have worked out some and toned my stomach? Absolutely. Did I enjoy food? 10000000%.  That caught up to me in my 30s.  And it really knocked me over after having kids.  I look back at some pictures of myself in my mid-30s to early 40s and honestly can’t recognize myself.  But there was a lot at play.  I lost my mother at 36.  I had 3 kids back-to-back with my last baby at 41.  My metabolism sure wasn’t what it used to be and I really, really love food.  I was able to hide my body in clothes pretty well.  This meant I wore a lot of oversized tops and tighter bottoms.  I could obviously not hide my 3 chins, but that’s another story.  One of the most important things to recognize is what our bodies are, what flatters them.  As much as I would love to wear crop tops, it ain’t anything anyone wants to see.  Even after I have lost the weight and feel good about myself - my body is not a crop top body.  I have to know my proportions for my height, my ass and my hips.  It’s not rocket science, it’s simply reality.  Spend time in your closet, try clothes on, and take an honest look at yourself and accept what you see.  It is beautiful and perfect the way it is - accept it.  As much as that dress looked cute on Hailey Bieber, it’s important to remember that Hailey Bieber is like 28 years old and 5’9 or something much taller than the average gal.  I realize that wearing looser things makes me look heavier because I have boobs, so I try to keep things more streamlined on top AND on bottom.  I don’t wear billowy tops with a tight bottom because frankly they make me look pregnant.  It took a while, but at the end of the day I got rid of a lot of stuff in my closet.  Once we know our bodies, I promise dressing gets easier because we feel better with whatever we put on.  

Our colors. 

So when it comes to style there are so many different ways to dress.  I go through phases where I swear I won’t wear color at all and I live in neutrals: navy, grey, black, cream…you get the picture.  And 75% of the time that is how I dress.  Especially in the cooler months of the year.  But in the summer I do love a print and bright shots of color.  Knowing our colors is key here - going with our skin tone, what compliments it is so important.  A neutral color palette is also great because frankly you can rewear things over and over again and simply accessorize it differently and no one will really realize it.  Whereas if you wear a bold colored shirt, you probably aren’t wearing it again 2 days later. When you buy investment pieces, an expensive cashmere sweater, a gorgeous coat - err on the side of conservative is what I say because you want something that will last and be timeless and always looks good. Something you won’t get bored of. With that said, I do love a bright cashmere sweater. One of my favorites is this hot pink fuschia from La Ligne that gets a compliment every single time I wear it. It ultimately becomes the outfit, no matter what I am wearing. And that’s the key to incorporating color. Know how to pull it in and with what. When I wear the hot pink sweater, everything else is simple. I either wear it with a washed out grey pair of jeans or worn out blue jeans, but it feels too stark for me with dark black jeans. If I wear a coat on top, it’s likely going to be navy so it feels like a softer contrast not an 80s dress up party. Most people are afraid of a hot pink too - which I find funny, because I actually think it is one of the most universally flattering shades. From blondes to brunettes, from fair skin to dark, it just is such a happy shade it looks good on all. But if you do buy something bright colored, my suggestion here is always look at the quality of the fabric - woven or silk, you don’t want it to look chintzy because it will ruin your whole look. A beautiful pop of color on cashmere is a fun way to add personality - some of my favorites: G.Label Sweater , Jenni Kayne Chartreuse Oversized Crewneck, J.Crew Oversized Cashmere,

One of my favorite sweaters of all time.

Our Trend Factor.

I love a good trend. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t work in the fashion industry for nearly two decades to not love what goes down the runway season after season. With that said, at my age, trends have to be taken with a grain of salt. Toned down one might say. Again, I may feel 30 at heart, try desperately to hold onto a more youthful complexion, but some trends are better left to the ones that actually are 30. And that’s just my personal opinion. There are so many gorgeous 40 plus women who rock the trends and look great - it’s just not my jam. I like to look “stylish” but not trendy. Trendy to me seems fleeting. Style feels more confident. Style feels like its evolved over time, which I guess is what the point of this piece is. I spent years adopting different trends as the seasons changed, but my style now feels pretty concrete. Knowing what looks good on us (our bodies, our colors, etc.) shouldn’t shift because they aren’t “trendy” anymore. They should simply figure out a way to incorporate the trend in a way that works for us. For example, skinny jeans are out, right? Ok cool. I packed all my old Moussy jeans away for that reason. Did I embrace the super wide horseshoe trend? No - because that is not flattering on me. But I did find more wide leg jeans that do work that are maybe not the exact trend but are a nice hybrid. It’s about having the confidence to look in the mirror and know what will look good.

Our PERSONAL Style.

So with all that said and done, what does it all mean and how do we find our “personal” style? I love finding inspiration from women who are my age-ish and dress in a way that is aspirational to me. I always love Gwyneth Paltrow’s style. She feels effortlessly elegant and cool to me. Never old-lady-ish. Do a quick google search and you’ll see she is almost always in neutrals. Whether its the way she pairs a cashmere sweater with a pair of trousers, there is a vibe she puts with it that feels cool, so I honestly try to replicate it with my own personal spin - because let’s be honest, I am not built like her, so not all that she wears will look like that on me. But I take the spirit of her style and translate it to my shorty body. Her G Label brand is the perfect starting point for anyone looking to buy beautiful basics that have a twist. And remember knowing what you like is half the battle. If you see something you like on someone - even a random stranger, ask where it is from. Have zero shame in copying. The beauty of IG now is that we can be inspired and shop right off a page, and I do it all the time. It’s actually dangerous how easy it is. I also take a monthly inventory of what I have in my own closet and try to reorganize. My closet gets, ahem, messy. So I can’t find things, or forget I have them. When I can see it all clearly I get inspired to put new outfits together. I also love to photograph a few looks together for those days that I think I have nothing to wear (which sounds ridiculous I realize). Make a decision every season about one item you want to invest in - a coat, a bag, a blazer - and build the rest of what you have in your closet around it. This ultimately becomes how you build your style, because you’re building things around pieces you love and incorporating into your lasting wardrobe.

Queen Gwyneth always wins in the outfit inspiration for me. It’s just a vibe.

I do wonder sometimes if how I dress now will change in the next 10 years. It may - or it may continue evolving. I love that I have things in my closet that my 9 year old looks at and compliments, but that I honestly know doesn’t look like something a tween would wear. It tells me that I have struck a balance in my overall “look”. And don’t get me wrong - there are days where I am standing stumped in my closet, hating everything I own and feeling like I have nothing to wear. So when that feeling hits, know you are not alone, we all get that way. But that’s when you tap into something super simple - jeans, a striped sweater, a great pair of loafers or flats and throw on a fabulous coat or blazer and you’re ok. I promise no one will know you had a mini-meltdown 5 minutes before you walked out the door.

Hope you enjoyed this edition - sorry it was a tad late. I try to stay on a twice weekly schedule - Wednesday’s and Sunday’s, but this week was nuts and I’m traveling, so forgive me. I also realized as I was writing this that it truly requires a 2nd part to it where we do a little shopping inspiration, wardrobe building. So I’m going to work on that next. Until then…xx Emese

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